Shredded and screwed

The AfroMuse laughed at me as I narrated my recent life experiences.

Life was really ‘winner-take-all’ after all.

She promised to teach me to win more often and then she left.

I’m shaking my head at this T-Pain derivative. Gong, on a vocoder, let’s do this because AfroSays:

SHREDDED AND SCREWED

SHREDDED AND SCREWED

Is it immature to wake up in the morning feeling like you did in primary school when some kid broke your amazing Superman ruler?

That’s how I feel this morning.

That’s how I felt last night.

Bvlgari and Paco Rabanne let me down. She intimidated them so much, they vowed to stay home for a week plus.

My two white friends and I, we walked into her lair oozing so much confidence, we were staining the floor. We were looking to have a nice time and make memories we could discuss over drinks later that night. Paco was quite the gallant,  charming his way forward like TATA equipment. He did his thing and handed the baton over to ‘Gari. The Grecian was ready.

‘Gari “the smooth” Gregarious  lived up to his alias. I’d never be able to explain what he did or does, all I know is that he gets the job done. I was in the kitchen when Smoothie threw the baton over. Leave the final lap to Mr awwww-some-more?

I casually strolled over like a 1700s English jerk and took over. Panache a la finesse, on a swagger thing, yezzir! Awwww-some!?

Naaa!

My new fancy friends didn’t impress her. Two years ago, good old Mr Klein fared waaaaay better than my new tag team; Monsieur Givenchy didn’t do too bad either last year.

She had baited us and we had greedily chomped it down, winking to each other.

We thought being served was a testament to our chivalry. Alas! it was only a travesty.

We were too heavy to run when those claws came out.

Slowly and meticulously,  we were officially shredded and screwed!