Hey goddess! I’m sure you know I love you because you bring the most amazing stories out of the weirdest situations.
Maybe I should get in weirder fixes?
Of course, this didn’t really happen, I’m just beating my gong because AfroSays:
So I’ve had quite a stressful day, running all over the place and achieving everything but I’ve been too busy to attend to a very important issue.
I’m on my way home when the consequence of my one little negligence catches up with me; I’m vibrating violently in my car, cursing the sluggishly moving traffic and creatively inventing new ways to answer nature’s call while driving on the expressway. My mental attempts at getting out of this fix is giving me a migraine.
I have plastic coke bottle in my car but I’m not sure about the volume of water in the GP tank so I immediately abandon that thought because if anything goes wrong, I’d never be able to explain to my wife why my car smells like the mattress my neighbor’s kid puts out to dry every morning.
I consider opening my door, just a little and wetting the road through the gap but the traffic isn’t exactly a standstill, there are hawkers navigating the narrows lanes in between the cars lines and I would definitely get discovered and absolutely embarrassed.
I swerve to the left lane where the plants are.
I consider an absurd position where I take off my seat belt, position my body at angle 45 to the pedals (just imagine my yourself straight bodied, almost standing but in a diagonal position while driving), wind down the window and twist my torso slightly in that direction, (still moving in the goddamn traffic), one hand on the wheel, one hand on my zip, wetting the plants like a moving sprinkler, freeing my pain.
I most definitely cannot park and get down because, I have too much culture to put on my blinker, park on the expressway and start pissing my discomfort away with reckless abandon.
To hell with culture,
All I know is I’m wetting the plants on the road divider; the world is quiet and it’s only me and the beautiful moon