Rapping for dummies

The goddess is still on pilgrimage, Botswana or some place similar.

So, I’m a fan of music. I’ve got about 40GB of a variety of sustained speech and wind vibrations on my computer and please don’t ask me any questions about that. I’ve been listening to a lot of rap lately and I’ve gotten bored by the continuous recycling of ideas. I love to read as much as I write so I really appreciate when someone takes their time to come up with new material. Since that has not been so easy to come by, I have had to repeat some of my favorite songs over and over again.

Interestingly, I wrote some puppy rap as a teenager but I started writing waaaay earlier than that. I think rap is a form of poetry and I respect the individuals who are clever about their art. But because everybody seems to think that they’re good enough to be a rapper today, honestly, there is a lot of ear junk out there. In all fairness, I actually think I can write material that’s on par with what most indigenous rappers have to offer or even better

Let’s play!

Yo .. Yo .. Check it!

To write a fairly successful song, you can follow these few timeless guidelines:
– You don’t have to speak correct English. Ghetto-American, Jamaican and local flavours are welcome.
– You start by saying you’re the best
– You introduce us to a few of the things you don’t have
– You talk about your imaginary haters
– You make sure most of your words end in a ryhme
– Don’t forget to talk about getting love in the club and getting out by 6 in the morning, and of course, loose girls and expensive alcohol

YOU’RE NOW A RAPPER!

STYLES:
You can’t just ryhme away, you have to rhyme in a kind of way that pushes an idea to the listener.
There are patterns known to rap and I have listed a basic few below; I shall attempt to steal lines from the illustrious, Nigerian, Choc-boyz. Enjoy! (Nigerian musicians don’t post lyrics online so these lines are not quoted and do not come with a warranty)

Similes:
description – You are this LIKE that
example – [ IcePrince >> When you look at me, you see real LIKE Nestle ]

Metaphor:
description – I am this, call me a that
example – [ Jesse Jagz >> We too fly, JETLAG ]

Claims:
description – simply bogus exaggerations
examples – [ M.I >> My flow’s insane, my flow so sick, I think we’re gonna need a medic, I’M A HEADACHE ]
– [ Jesse Jagz >> We fly so high, we’re only seen by God ]

Bold statements:
description – screw the world
examples – [ M.I >> haters can kiss between my two thighs ]
– [ M.I >> look these dudes think that they fly, you’re a peacock ]

There are many more rap styles out there than I care to list. For an eclectic selection, buy a jay-Z or Kanye West CD if you have lots of money. Simply buy MI2 from your local CD vendor if you don’t.

With all that nonsense rap jargon, Let’s try a quickie, mock-up rap. I call this:

NO BFFs!

I’m the best, no BFFs, you’re an enemy
Haters on my neck, sorta like my iced-out jewelery
No same class, No! Don’t even go to school with me
So they taking shots at me, Wayne ‘Roonery’

Chics make passes at me, I score Hat-trick
Them, over-bar, goal kick
Bed-ridden, so sick
Bed-fellows all week

They walking, I’m chauffered
flip flops? Me, Gucci loafered
Cup floodeth over
Groceries in my Rover
Only Rolls they ever been in is a Roller Coaster

Only flute on their lips plays music
Only Coupe is where their grandma’s chics live
They vexing cuz we turning down vixens
Saving up to do what we did since
And they even saving with their sibliiiiiiings

I’m in their face like a big screen
Big screen? I’ve got fifteen? Sixteen?
How many?
Gotta ask my assistant errtime, how many?!
Gotta ask my accountant, how much money?!
She just told me she’s tired of counting

So how did the Afro do?
Would I make a decent rapper?
I BET!

**Iced-out means overly diamond studded
**Wayne Rooney is a popular English footballer; a very powerful shot taker. ‘Roonery’ is therefore the state of being ‘Rooney-ish’
**Rolls means Rolls Royce
**Errtime means every time

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