Afrosays to me

…random excerpts from my communions with the AfroMuse

The Passenger May 27, 2011

Filed under: Scenic — Betty @ 10:03 pm
Tags: ,

The gong I beat, you might not know.. I borrowed it from your village. It is old and rusty but familiar.. Listen, for it might explain why they act the way they do…
WaryBetty

It?

He looked over his shoulder again. It was still there. What it was, he knew not. His wife looked at him sharply.
“Femi, face front! Ki lo n se yin gan? You want to kill us? What are you looking for?” Her high-pitched voice did nothing to ease his fear.
There was a presence in the car, asides him and his wife of two years. And it was an oppressing presence. How could he explain this to his wife without sounding like Looney Tunes? He decided to keep his mouth shut.
He stepped on the accelerator and zig-zagged on the road, knowing it was a stupid thing to do but somehow hoping the movements would unsettle whatever it was.
“Ye! Femi! O o ni pa wa oh! What is chasing you? Are you mad?” His wife screamed.
It chuckled. It was more like a low cackle. It pleased it to see him riled. After all, why else was it here? It enjoyed seeing the other people on the road rain curses on him. They were doing it’s work for it. It would cause the uneasiness, they would do the cursing. It would save it’s curses for a stronger target. It smiled and grew bigger, opened it’s pores and reduced the air in the car.
Femi took a deep breath, then struggled to take another. What was happening?
He shouldn’t have been sleeping in church. He loosened his tie. He lowered the windows, where the hell was all the air?
His wife was panicking now; her hands fluttering all over and shrieking in Yoruba. He felt dizzy. He couldn’t hear her. Get out! Yes, he had to get out of the car!
He swerved the car to the shoulder and jumped out, startling a trader who was setting out her wares. Cars horned. People screamed in protest.
His wife ran out to him. “Femi! Femi talk to me! What is it? Blood of Jesus! Femi! Da mi loun!”
Femi bent over, hands on knees and dragged in the air. “Sade, there’s.. there’s something.. something in.. in the car.”
Sade looked back then looked back to her husband. He must be going mad! “Femi, there’s nothing in the car..” Her grandmother had warned her against this marriage. She should have listened. Now, her husband was going mad. “Femi?”
She reached to touch him but he jerked and started to run like the devil was biting his very heels. Sade took off after him. “Femi! Femi!”
The trader shook her head. These crazy rich people, they had left their car open. Her daughter tugged at her wrapper. “Yes? Omo mi?”
“Mummy, why did they leave the old woman in the car?”
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53 Responses to “The Passenger”

  1. ie Says:

    I really should have checked out the tags before reading this,and at 11pm too.Good stuff though,might even brave the concluding part.

  2. ekwe Says:

    Simple and effective *ovation*

  3. I love very much! I’ve always wondered about that thing about kids and animals being able to see spirits

  4. Creepy. To me this was actually funny. Especially the child’s part. Nice one Betty!

  5. sirkellz Says:

    Creepy, very….made me think a bit…like I was watching the “Paranormal Activity” sequel ….anothet very good piece

  6. ajoke Says:

    lovely… just saw a freaky movie n now am thinking of the beyond…. lol… i like

  7. Sick_Sage Says:

    Now this is good flash fiction. . .not really creeped out, but then, I grew up on Stephen King so. . .

  8. shettoo Says:

    Impressive piece!!!

  9. Slim Says:

    Dang. *mute*
    I’m scared 😦

  10. teniola Says:

    It’s a really good piece, 🙂 you’re an amazing writer. I especially like the end.

  11. @Qurr Says:

    Coooool.

    Betty tell me this is an example of our talk yesterday about “where the sidewalk ends… the children know… for theirs is the kingdom”?

    I like this on at least two planes. Uber-deep and afro-scary. At first I thought it was the classic story of “come back home” charms inflicted on people who travelled abroad (in this case, Femi would have returned to Nigeria to have peace) but the last two lines showed me that they were still right there in Nigeria. Sade’s grandmother was only further enforcing her dissuasion with the marriage? Lol

  12. Ike Ononiwu Says:

    I am happy I didn’t read this at night. I haven’t seen so much emotion communicated in such a short piece so efficiently in a while. I could definitely have read more of this. Good job, Betty.

  13. Situations like this scare me. I always wonder about the supernatural: what unseen forces are acting around us? But this is a good story. I like how u write.

  14. runtaj Says:

    Ok, d story isn’t over yet. Who’s d old lady?

  15. thatssodamie Says:

    Hehe. Ehen all those following you from the village fall down and die IJN. Lol at the end, at least silver lining he wasn’t mad. Dint expect wifey to follow now. Lovely new stuff.

  16. lekan baruwa Says:

    Nice and creepy story …….. But ur conclusions always need some cracking …. (Y)

  17. samanthasiren Says:

    This was just too real and scary. In a dark room by myself :s
    Well written though, you always impress me.

  18. Beautiful! I’d gladly take writing lessons from you… It felt so real!! Bravo Betty, bravo!!!

  19. i_rep_mars Says:

    Damn!!!! Wow! I love it! Your Versatility never ceases to leave me in awe. A gripping horror story. My favourite 🙂

  20. Skilobo Says:

    Good stuff

  21. afrosays Says:

    All of you. It is coming for you.
    YOU ALL!

  22. @bule_jr Says:

    Uberbetty dey write. Anyway I still talk to imaginary friends in the bathroom and play out scenes of my life to them. X_X. So I can relate.

    • bettyboopeyz Says:

      *hug* You need help. It’s when you call them imaginary that they get upset. My own friends aren’t imaginary oh, they are just using Harry Potter’s cloak of invisibility..

  23. Zara Says:

    LOOL i tot it was funny…. hope this doesnt make me weird or nytin.. >_>

  24. kechilauren Says:

    So not scary…more like revealing..nice betty..

  25. kblewin Says:

    interesting…..

  26. 'Dania Says:

    Your writing sha…kai!

    I’m glad you’re my homie.

  27. Immortal TeddyBear Says:

    Hmnnnn Im bcoming more of a fan oh!

  28. kitkat Says:

    OMG u literally got me teary eyed! when i get scared like this, tears jst start flowing. I always heard little kids cld see witches lol

  29. salt Says:

    Wow! I’m stil in shock. Utterly speechless n at a loss for words. Beautiful writin, as always.

  30. Kesh Says:

    That actually scared me a little. A. Little! sheesh! Lol. Nice one.

  31. freshprinz Says:

    I LOVE THIS….did i tell u scary turns me on just as much as sad….:D

  32. Ayob Says:

    Wow!!! U really got me dere wit d whole child thingy….. n nice picture used also… Really goes wit d whole story.. (Y)

  33. Uche Says:

    This is a great piece of flash fiction. Impressive, I must say.

  34. foluwa Says:

    So its actually always good 2listen to your elders when they talk to you about marriage! I like the end, atleast there’s a free car for the trader, she can sell it and improve her life. Just a thought *wink*

  35. lade Says:

    Scary. good stuff sha.

  36. MzLoulette Says:

    I’m like, ‘oh, poor schizophrenic dude.’ Then I get to the end and I go, ‘whoa.’ Gave me a bit of a scare, actually. Brr.


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