Afrosays to me

…random excerpts from my communions with the AfroMuse

Judgment day September 26, 2010

Filed under: Abstract — afrosays @ 9:22 pm
Tags: , ,

She wouldn’t listen to my apologies because this message is a week due.

I begged her, appealing to all her sense of charity and she promised to deal with me later.

She did tell me, however, to share the withheld dispatch immediately.

I am therefore, beating this gong because AfroSays:

Give him an A+

I saw the awesome throne and I was scared. As I entered the room, some guy in medieval priestly clothes had just gotten thundered at and was being assisted away by two muscular dudes in a smart uniform
Yea, it was lights, power and action – lights so bright that I could not see who sat on the seemingly endless glory seat; I just surmised that whoever did must realize how much sucking up he deserved from whatever else was in existence; I mean, the super guy was definitely worthy of all receivables – I’d have totally given him all my salary as tax returns if he had demanded it while I was alive.
Suddenly, a timeless looking man came out of all the oppressive glory. Fashionistas from my side of existence had nothing on him.”I think ten percent was fair enough tax?” He said with a little laugh. I fell on my face because I knew I was done for, realizing the fate that had befallen the priest before me. “You managed fairly well” He continued, “Give him an A+”, he called out to whoever kept score.
“But I..” I started as a protest to the undeserved pass mark I had just been awarded. I remembered going to church only on Christmas, New Years and random special ceremonies, every once in a while; being passively nice when it suited me and just living as a jack BEEP most of the time. (Here it seemed even my thoughts were censored).
I started toying with that impressive PG feature of the holy land,
“jack BEEP “,
“mother BEEP“,
BEEP hole”,
BEEP you”, “BEEP me”, “BEEP the…”
“Silence!” he thundered, eyes flaming red and blue inward like a living fire.
“One would think you were beginning to realize what this experience is really all about”
I cowered in fear.
“You children with your modern habits of free thinking insolence wrought on you by your democratic creches”
He smiled.
“I love you nonetheless”
“You scored an A+ because it’s either that or an F and it’s quite unfortunate that most of you can’t seem to get past an E-. Even your most recent spiritual geniuses only manage a D-“.
“Abraham, Moses, Paul, Ghandi et al, brilliant kids they are…”
I was about to ask what their report cards originally scored before the upgrade but I was too terrified to even look up.
“C-” I heard.
“Your goodness by me is like filthy rags but you’re my kids nonetheless”
I kind of understood as He continued with an affectionate bias.
“And what kind of father would I be not to clean you up”
I was a fool to had given up on creationism.
“Your books don’t answer every question as your inquisitive minds would appreciate but with time I would teach you what is and what is not”
“The first thing I usually teach is that I AM”. The “I AM” was pregnant.
I saw one of those yam-armed dudes approach me with the same priestly garments as the last guy
“And because you ever doubted me, You would have to put that on for a long long time.” He pointed to the ominous cassock.
I had been taught that over here, a thousand years was a day.
I looked far off somewhere to the right and BEEP! Good ol’ Abe was looking good in his heavenly attire with celestial bling, head gear and what not; My garment-to-be was a dead, patched up rag, up-close.
“Here, have your righteousness, censored to preserve some of your dignity”
“Take him away!”

The Black Hole August 3, 2010

Filed under: Scenic — afrosays @ 6:38 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

The goddess was held me in her arms as I wept.

My world was crashing all around me.

She reminded me that old civilizations always had to give way to new; I’m just hoping Jerusalem isn’t coming down for Babylon.

She sang me a lullaby, I slept.

I’m now awake and I shall sing it to you all only because Afrosays:


The Black hole

The Black hole

“Beep… beep… beep”

The seconds of my life were being counted by one of the several boxes of wire that kept me alive.
I wasn’t sure I was ready for the extremely long beep that would signal the end of my life but according to what the doctors had said, that sound was two days late and it would be here anytime soon.
It’s not that I wasn’t prepared; I’d settled grievances, seen my lawyer and put my house in order. Heck! I’d even told Cecilia that she could marry that moron that had been the centre of our family trouble for the past two years since she finished college. I was desperately trying to use these last moments to buy inner peace but I still wasn’t sure I had the right currency.
Freddy told me that the idiot across the room holding my daughter’s hand. Freddy said he looked like the angel of death that was responsible for all the recent motor accidents along the Benin-Ore Express way with all the scrap metal coming in and out of his disgustingly tattooed skin. The first day I saw him, I wished the London Arts School scholarship hadn’t come through for Cecilia, six years ago. I never seemed to understand the fact that her boyfriend was a successful musician somewhere in Europe, Cecilia deserved better.
But she wasn’t my burden at the moment, I was. These past few years had been my most successful; I had taken a lot from the world and given it gifts in return. I was sure my name would be remembered for my outstanding contributions to health science. I had been a good man, but was that ever enough? Freddy said my wife’s pastor was still in the room and according to the religious rituals we’d gone through together the few weeks before I blacked out, I was cool with God and ready to go, but deep inside me I wasn’t sure if there was a place to go to. The pastor had once mentioned that the just shall live by faith, but it was too late to ask him what the just was meant to die by?
My eyes were closed.  My body was on shut down. I could only depend on my ever reliable brain. It had a nickname, Freddy I called it. I had developed Freddy so much that he was two hundred years older than I was and had a mind of his own. I didn’t deserve any of those accolades the world lavished on me, Freddy did. He deserved everything from the national honour to the Nobel price, yet, he couldn’t help me out this time. He hadn’t been able to come up with a sensible explanation for eternity, re-incarnation or two thousand virgins. All Freddy knew was limited to this sphere.
I had searched through my childhood memories of Sunday school till my early years of marriage, before the call of humanitarianism took me away and all I found were contradictions. The only problem was that no one had been honest enough to admit they didn’t have the answers. They were all too scared to think for themselves and relied on any man who was bold enough to pretend he understood the great mystery of life. Those kinds of men got too many with time and the contradictions became more evident. Eventually the bright left in search for the real truth.
I still haven’t found it. I used Google till Microsoft bought it over and messed it up and it wasn’t in any of the two trillion web pages on their index. There was no truth in hedonism or even in excessive piety either. All my experiments led to one single fact: No matter how long man tried to pretend, his true nature always surfaced. No one was perfect. No one could uphold whatever dogma they put forth without falling short. They could only pretend in hypocrisy and that was my dilemma, the fact that no one could live up to any paradigms, even basic laws they set up themselves. If we cannot live up to our own standards, how much more that of some perfect deity?  We’re all doomed to incompetence and low self esteem!
“Beeeeeeeeep!  Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep! Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!”
Suddenly, Freddy came through, just when I’d lost hope. He seldom failed me.
“Doctor! Doctor!!!”
I didn’t care.
My soul smiled.
And then I laughed – I opened my eyes and laughed real hard.
They were shocked because Freddy had put me in a coma for two weeks so he could work.
I’d finally found the answer!
Being human was the joke of the millennium!



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