THE GODDESS IS BACK!
We’re unpacking her baggage while she’s reclining at the backyard porch, sipping a glass of imported red and commanding away. She sent me something to broadcast just last week and I’m still not sure how I’m going to explain to her that I mistakenly deleted it and there is no undo button on my BlackBerry.
As I gently open the front-door, trying to escape the hard work of helping the witch unravel the bagged shopping mall she had brought with her, a missile hits me on the back of my head. My first errand!
Mixed feelings as I hit the gong in defeat. New tunes, only because Afrosays:
THE WALK HOME
The Proud Devil
I instinctively stopped and took two steps back, leaning back into an impossible, ugly posture to inspect whatever seemed to have caught my attention in the first place.
It was just another hole in just another miserable fence. I walk past exactly twenty-one of these lizard homes everyday on my way back home from the market place. This was the nineteenth hole. I didn’t have to count, I just knew. For a few seconds, in the same absurd position, I stared at the spectacle before me.
The sudden pain in my lower back reminded me that there was a heavy basket of yams on my head so I slowly tried to ease into a better posture. I couldn’t move too fast, hell! I didn’t even want to move at all for fear that I might somehow upset the situation before me. I eventually chose to ignore the discomfort.
Why would the gods play such an evil trick on a poor man? The lizard turned to look at me briefly, as if to mock my inferior status and proudly returned his large orange head to its former position. I cursed him from the depths of my heart. He turned to me again as if to dare me, to tease me, to ask me who held a folded one-thousand Naira note in his mouth. My heart skipped a beat because I knew that it wasn’t me. Agama then moved a centimeter back into his palace, threatening. The cursing stopped.
I stayed like that for a while, back hurting, knees shaking, hoping Agama would be kind enough to feed me for one week; hoping that somehow he would let the beautiful paper note fall to the floor. Maybe he would buy me a new sunday shirt, maybe he would help me pay the rent. There were a lot of things Agama could do for me but he eventually decided he would rather add cushion to his nest. He took his time, majestically maneuvering his demonic body back into the grotesque hole. I swore revenge.
I dropped my basket of yams and straightened up. My back was a bed of pain. I quickly sat down on the floor, right under the hole and soon began to reminisce of the few times in my life I had actually spent a thousand, trying to remember if there was any time it hadn’t been an errand. It wasn’t too long and I felt something drop on my head. After I saw what it was, I began to fume with anger. Agama had decided that half a thousand Naira note was enough to make him comfortable and he had sent me the other shredded half. I stood up immediately.
I got home in record time, picked up my almost empty tin of kerosene and headed towards the house of that miserly creature.
I would go hungry tonight – the aroma of roasted lizard would suffice.