Afrosays to me

…random excerpts from my communions with the AfroMuse

Big questions April 15, 2011

Filed under: Scenic — afrosays @ 7:02 pm
Tags:

Hello world,

I’m learning to beat the gong better. I might start a new category for ramblings about my unusual experiences as the goddess’ mouthpiece, I might not.

Betty and I are looking to redecorate sometime soon.

Most Importantly, I’ve learnt to keep it short. One laconic clang, all brisk-like as AfroSays:

BIG QUESTIONS

...P is for Pencil...

“Daddy where do babies come from?”
I wasn’t sure I’d heard what she asked the first time. Maybe I’d heard, maybe I’d subconsciously chosen to ignore her, hoping that I’d imagined the question.
“Daddy?” She tugged at my arm.
It took an effort of archillean proportions to tear my gaze from the TV so as to cater to the needs of my ten year old.
It’s not because Arsenal was throwing away yet another chance at a trophy, the thing was that I’d always thought parenting would be easy; It had been easy to spot many mistakes in the austere upbringing that my parents had dealt me. I’d envisioned myself as one of the modern, super cool parent types that I’d seen so many times in hollywood movies, the type that grounded kids when they were naughty, sent them to their room when they were rude, allowed them to have all their friends over and was open to talking about anything.
And somehow, I had succeeded. While most of my friends still employed the use of a form of archaic martial law in putting their young families in order, Wunmi felt the need to tell me every single insignificant detail about her life and I loved it.
The real problem was that I’d never prepared for the day when I would have to tell my daughter about how, someday, some idiot with a turgid penis would lend seed to her innocent vagina so that they could magically grow babies. I could not tell her bogus stories about Holy Ghost pregnancies or baby carrying birds or automatic, love-inspired conceptions because it was against my ‘Cool-Daddy’ code. Thinking about what I was about to say gave me a headache.
“Daddy noooow!”
I finally turned from the hopeless football match, not quite to look at her, but to look around her. I was already embarrassed.
“Emm… One day, a young man is going to butter your muffin”
“Ehn?!”
I loosened my neck tie.
“Actually, what I’m trying to say is that, ehn, one day, to have babies… Err, you have to screw… Yes, screw…”
I looked around as if to see imaginary impositions of my drinking buddies, pointing and laughing as I fumbled at my little girl’s question.
“Me, I don’t know what you are talking about oh! I am in Jss1 and the science teacher says we have to have sex!”
My mouth hung open.
She put her tiny arms on her waist and continued talking, all sissy like.
“So uncle Rufus said that he wants to put his penis in my vagina and I told him that the teacher said that I would get pregnant since I started seeing my period last month and I am now a woman”
“He said the teacher was wrong and that babies are from the Holy Spirit like with Mary and Jesus. I told him no sha. I just came to ask you.”
My expression of shock quickly metamorphosed into a mask of rage. ‘Uncle Rufus’ was the twenty-one-year-old cousin that I had brought into my home from the village because his parents could not support his education beyond the secondary level.
“So daddy, what is sex noooow?”
I had to calm down and attend to my little girl first. Without embarrassment, I told her that science teacher was right, I told her about the evils of teenage pregnancy, STDs, HIV, drugs, alcohol, over-speeding, politics, and any other evil the world would later throw at her.
I called my wife up next. As angry as I was, family issues were always tricky. If I sent him back to the village, he would hurt other little girls, maybe boys too. If I reported him to the police, I couldn’t face my family.
She told me that if I didn’t call the police, she would.
What would you do?
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20 Responses to “Big questions”

  1. St. Burnish Says:

    Now, Bankole, I don’t know what to do with you anymore? Good story! I’m not sure if a girl can act “sissy like” though – just never heard that before. Otherwise, I suggest your guy reports to the authorities after conducting a serious deliverance session on the young man….lol!

    • afrosays Says:

      Where’s that emoticon that flashes his whites stupidly?

      Been a while sir! Busy peoples…

      It’s good to have you back around though, and we’d be sure to get raunchy Rufus, first, to MFM, then to Area F

      How’s the world nowadays? Any better?

  2. lowlar Says:

    Lmao,butter ur muffin. very funny. I like d girls reply. Nice 1.

  3. Brownegurl Says:

    This ‎is just hilarious. The man is lucky he has such a close relationship with his daughter else….. I really dint expect “uncle Rufus” to pop out. Gud work, as always..

    • afrosays Says:

      I think his relationship with his daughter wasn’t only based on luck, he actually cultivated it over time.

      Uncle Rufus/Aunty Rufette pops up in a lot of people’s childhoods, one way or another. We have to learn to protect the little ones with knowledge

  4. Yop, I go with BrowneGirl tho

  5. Omoge Blaq Says:

    Kill him… Simple and short, rat poison in small doses, no one will know… What a stupid prick of a cousin…. Him papa. God will punish him, he no know say him self go get pikin???? KAI… Na wa ooo…

  6. oke Says:

    Cudnt stop laffin @ d ‘butter ur muffin’ part!
    I’m happy wif d fact dat d school had done a gud job dah made things easy for u…
    N for Rufus! Deliverance wre,mfm bawo???I think u shud set a trap for d idiot n let erryone b present including d family members so dre wud for no tym for doubts/unbelief afterall seein is believing!DISGRACE UNCLE RUFUS o
    Nice one Bankole….muaaaah!

    • afrosays Says:

      **now catching your kiss and storing it for lonely nights LOL

      Disgrace uncle Rufus? Catch him red handed?

      What if his molestation tendencies are also include raping?

      Can we trust his sanity that much as to take the time to set a trap?

      Is this a family matter or a legal matter?

  7. Dee Says:

    I support Oke… Public disgrace. When he’s sent back to the village it’ll be in shame n err1 wud be mindful of him….
    Lovely writing as usual

    • afrosays Says:

      Hey Dee!

      It’s good to have you around again. You’re a conservative too, I see.

      Curios though, Can a serious issue such as child molestation be curbed by public disgrace?

  8. Banx, good one. But there is no use in reporting to the police. Doesn’t help you, doesn’t help rufus(funny name), have a heart to heart with him and let him know he is wrong and get him proffesional help and see where that leads.

    • afrosays Says:

      Now this seems like a good suggestion, might actually solve the problem but we don’t know if he would come clean/admit that he needs help. Most people with such embarrasing leanings wouldn’t.

      I also suggest we get him out of the house to protect the little girl. Anything can happen.

      Thanks sir!

  9. Deji Says:

    “Me, I don’t know what you are talking about oh! I am in Jss1 and the science teacher says we have to have sex!”
    My mouth hung open.
    She put her tiny arms on her waist and continued talking, all sissy like.
    “So uncle Rufus said that he wants to put his penis in my vagina and I told him that the teacher said that I would get pregnant since I started seeing my period last month and I am now a woman”
    My head spun over and over as i attempted to process the information i’d just heard, jumping to my feet i screamed “WHAT, RUUUUUFUS!!!!” you bloody son of a bitch, i started towards his room at the back of the house ready to unleash a form of archaic martial law not yet known to man. As i dragged him form his room i shouted to my wife call the police am going to kill this #@&^$ today. *dust off my hand* there i think it looks better this way. #WIDE GRIN. Banky u can thank me nw.

  10. simi Says:

    Speechless! Totally speechless! Dats how these young girls
    Get raped bcos of deir parents stupid ignorance
    Thank God she had a caring dad!

  11. seun owoyomi Says:

    nice story..Good connections…important topic yet seriously overlooked in our society.u are an avatar of positive reconstruction…thanks for the truth telling.lol


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